Maybe it's not just the clothes

If you've read any of my older posts, you know that I've said I'm in it for the clothes.  And I am.  I really, really want to wear cool clothes. 

But there's more now.  We've been working on an estate plan.  It's an exercise in worst-case what if.  The joke is, I have nothing (long story).  But I need some life insurance.  I had some in a previous life, but I got divorced, and there was no need, and you know the rest.

I got turned down for life insurance a year ago.  Why?  Height and weight.  (It pissed me off, because I went through the physical, and then they turned me down for threshold information they'd already had.)

I decided to try again, though, because my girls need me or they need money.  And I found some.  It's pricey, but I'm good.  Here's the bitch of it:  If I weighed 60 pounds less, I'd pay $100/month less.

I'm a good maintainer, but I'm going to lose that 60.  I'll drop a few sizes, too, and that will make me happy, clothing-wise.  And then I'll get the policy re-written.  Maybe this is what I need to be less complacent, to hit the gym early in the morning, even when it's cold.

So I'm in it for the clothes and for the babies.

Patty Melt Diet

I lost four and a half pounds in one night! 

It's true.  But it's not the way to do it.  I ate a bad burger.  It was most unpleasant for 24 hours, and kind of gross for another 24.  I'm feeling much better now, but wow.  Not good.

Mostly I'm mad because I couldn't go to the gym.  (Trust me.  I couldn't go.)

As you may recall, gentle reader, my wife and I had twins eight months ago.  Everything is going well, and it's all been fun and interesting (and exhausting).  My wife and I have made a commitment to ourselves, each other, and the babies, to drop some more weight.  Aside from the obvious life-insurance type issues, we really don't want to be the girls' fat parents. 

Part of this is that we want to blend into the background when the kids' friends think about parents.  We don't want to be the twins' fat mom and fat dad.  Being a kid is bad enough.  People will find lovely ways to mock them, I have no doubt.  But we don't want to give ammunition to jerky kids. 

We also want to be able to do things with the kids--things involving movement.  My wife and I are not naturally athletic types, but we wish we were.  Plus, chasing the kids around is not going to be easy while carrying a bunch of extra weight.  I want to play with them without being too winded or worn out to be a fun dad.

Finally, we want the kids to like to move.  I work with a guy who is in great shape and always has been.  Genes are what they are, but he likes to move.  I saw him one Monday and asked him what he did over the weekend.  He told me that on Sunday, he'd gone for a run in the morning and then surfed all afternoon.  He's just gone running for fun.  Seriously.  I would love to feel like that about exercise.  I'm to the point where I miss exercise when I don't do it.  But I'm not to "fun" yet.  Maybe someday.  And I'll absolutely fake it to get my girls interested.

Here they are:

The girls have some strikes against them:  fat parents and fat genes.  But we're doing what we can to eat right and teach them to, and we're going to get out and have fun.

Whew.

Hi.  I've been out of the box for a while.  Babies, you know.  And my wife had surgery unrelated to the babies, which makes it impossible for her to pick them up (or do diapers, hmmmm).  So there you are.  I've been kind of busy.

How's the weight loss, Skip?  Well, there hasn't been any.  Happily, I haven't gained, either.  What's annoying, though, is that I have not been to the gym in a long time.  Thus, my body feels fatter and more gelatinous than it did.  I mean, it probably is.  The good news is that my body responds pretty well to exercise.  I'll go back and I'll trim down pretty easily.  What I want to do is go back.  When things settle down at home (and they will), I will.  (I've gone a few times.  It's nice to go, and I'll be back.  I actually miss it.  That's a relatively new thing in my life.)  Given the past year, it's a miracle I'm not back up.  Seriously.  I tend to gain weight in times of stress (eating my feelings!).

Lately, though, I've been feeling the effects of food creep, and I've been all too happy to eat when I'm agitated.  I would like to stop both.  Today, I started tracking again at livestrong.com.  Tracking is good for me.  It's pretty easy for me to forget what I've eaten and go overboard.  Of course, I remember everything about 2:00 a.m.  That's pretty much when I reflect on all my failings.  If I can make it to 4:00, I can sleep through the night.  Call it a renewed commitment.

When I lost 40 pounds in 2010, I was amazed at how much of a difference it made in my life.  Forty is a lot.  It doesn't alway feel like a lot, because I could lose another 100 and still be thick.  But forty took me down almost three sizes in pants.  That's pretty cool.  Another forty or fifty would be even better.  That's the goal.

Slow and steady will work, I think.  I'm going to get back to the gym (three times a week should be effective and doable), and I'm going to stop eating crappy food (delish though it might be--and some of it is).  Nothing fancy.  But I'm ready for the next fifty.  Wish me luck.

Progress

The Anti-Jared has a good post right now.  His point is that you can't cheat your body.  It knows if you have been treating it well or not.  You can eat badly for a few days and not gain, but if you do it all the time, you will.  At a minimum, you will feel less well.  Have a look:  http://theantijared.com/2011/07/the-house-always-wins.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheAnti-jared+%28The+Anti-Jared%29

To that end, I'm down to about where I was pre-hospital weight.  Mostly, I have been watching portion sizes and eating good food.  Real food.  No doughnuts.  If you look at www.refusetoregain.com (at the right side of this page), you will see that the writer emphasizes the importance of the quality of the calories one ingests, not just the number.  Her theory is based on insulin load in response to certain foods.  She does not believe it's a zero sum game.  I 'm not sure I do, either.

When I was in my recent doughnut phase, I don't think I ate an extra 10,500-14,000 calories in a couple of weeks (3-4 pounds).  I really don't.  But I do think that the fried, carbo-goodness of doughnuts wrecked havoc on my body's blood sugar.  (Note:  I am not diabetic, knock wood.)  In less than a month, I was up a solid six pounds.  I started eating better (not really much less, either), drinking more water, too, and I'm back down.  (I guess it's possible that I was just "impacted," if you know what I mean.  It's possible that dehydration was making me retain water.  Either way, it was a decent reminder that eating good food is a reward in itself.

I have been frustrated at the stagnancy of my loss.  But staying the same doesn't suck, given my history.  So I'll keep doing what I'm doing, and I'll get back to the gym.

Speaking of, I haven't been to the gym much in the last seven weeks or so.  One baby came home from the hospital last Wednesday, and I think the other one will come home tomorrow or Tuesday.  It's made for a crazy sleep schedule, and it's hard for me to get to the gym when I can barely see straight.  But I'll get back.  Everything I read says you can't exercise away a bad diet, so I'm going to focus on eating in a healthy way for now and hit the gym when I can.

Can't Help It

I know I haven't written much lately, and if you're waiting to read this blog, I apologize.  There's been a lot going on.

First, in the last month, I have gone to the hospital every day because my wife or kids or all three have been there.  The kids are still there and will be for a few weeks.  Nothing is wrong with them except that they are young.  Once they learn to eat and breathe at the same time, they'll come home.

This is the first time in a year that I've really fallen off the weightloss wagon.  Despite the fact that the hospital is only ten minutes from my house, I have felt serious time pressure, and I've needed to rely on convenience foods.  Specifically doughnut.  There are something like ten doughnut shops between my house and the hospital.  I feel as if the proprietors all know me.  In fact, one gave me an extra doughnut the other day because I've been such a good customer.  That was the bump I needed, I think.  I mean, I could have been going to the Subway next door.  Right?  Right?  Do I hear an amen?

Who knew doughnuts were a trigger food for me?  Sometimes people bring them to the office, and I have been quite good at ignoring them.  Well, not ignoring them.  I look at them, and then I decide I don't want them.  It's food porn. 

I turned 45 yesterday.  I would like to lose another 40-50 pounds this year (he says, breakfasting on birthday cake).  I owe it to myself and to my new babies, who have no visible means of support.  (Don't they come with a dowry?  Oh wait--)  I have put on 3-4 pounds in the last month.  It's the stress.  The eating of feelings.  I think, however, I'm over it, for a while anyway.  Another year would be good.  All told, it's not horrible, and I am smaller than I was a year ago at this time.  I don't even notice the 3-4 pounds except on the scale.  But the trend is not what I want.

I think I'm rambling now.  Here's a nice picture.

9 1/2 Pound Gain

I haven't written anything lately.  Here's why.  My wife has been in the hospital with preeclampsia.  She had the babies yesterday, S, who was 5 lbs 3 oz, and C, who was 4 lbs 2 oz.  Almost 9 1/2 pounds.  Everyone is mostly fine, though the babies will have to be in the hospital for a while.

More later, but that's the story.

Wow.  I'm somebody's dad!  

Been awhile

There's a lot going on at my house.  I've written about my dog, and that continues to be a drag.  He gets to eat anything he wants, and the other night he ate ten chicken McNuggets.  That was good.  But he wouldn't eat any last night.  I don't know if it's the illness or the meds, but he doesn't want to eat.  I think he knows he's sick.  At least, he knows he feels crappy.

The other thing that's going on--now it can be told--my lovely wife is pregnant.  With twins.  And let me tell you, she has been sicker than you can imagine for weeks.  She can't keep much down, but she needs the calories because of the kiddos, so she's eating full fat/full calorie versions of everything--lots of ice cream, mac and cheese, cookies, peanut butter, pop tarts.  Everything.  Lots of carbs, too.  In short, the kind of diet that got me where I am.  She has lost five pounds.  Puking will do that.  Morning sickness for her is about 23 hours a day.  She is on an anti nausea drug that they give to chemo patients.

What this all means is that I do just about everything around the house--laundry, meals (she can't even go into the kitchen without retching), etc.  On the plus side, my dog and my wife are eating a similar diet (and boy are the other dogs pissed off!).  This has all made me just a little overwrought.  I work pretty long days with a long commute, and then I come home and try to keep everything together.  I know it's temporary, but I suspect it's training for when the twins (girls) get here.  Even so, I'm frazzled.  And a little fragile.

What does this mean for the weight?  Well, I've learned that if I don't try the mac and cheese, I won't feel the need to eat it.  But one bite = one plate.  Also pop tarts.  I had forgotten how compelling they can be.  And what I've figured out is that when I'm exhausted and frazzled and overwrought, it's easy to succumb to the available sugar fix.

Yes, I'm up a tiny bit.  And yes, I will be more careful going forward.  But this is good information for me.  In the not so distant future, there is going to be food around that I don't want to eat, and I'm going to be harried and tired and vulnerable.  I want to figure out how to avoid that.  It might mean cooking more on the weekends for the week.  It will also mean having some low cal dessert options around.  It will mean being disciplined and attentive.  I hope I can do it.  I think I can.  I haven't really been bingeing.  More, I've been lax.  Loose.  Not careful.

I also realize how much going to the gym can improve the way I feel physically.  When I'm stressed out, my neck tenses and hurts.  This leads to headaches that feel oddly like sinus pain.  A good workout staves off such feelings.  So that's useful.  I'm trying to take the lessons here and not freak out.  So we'll see how it goes.