There's a lot going on at my house. I've written about my dog, and that continues to be a drag. He gets to eat anything he wants, and the other night he ate ten chicken McNuggets. That was good. But he wouldn't eat any last night. I don't know if it's the illness or the meds, but he doesn't want to eat. I think he knows he's sick. At least, he knows he feels crappy.
The other thing that's going on--now it can be told--my lovely wife is pregnant. With twins. And let me tell you, she has been sicker than you can imagine for weeks. She can't keep much down, but she needs the calories because of the kiddos, so she's eating full fat/full calorie versions of everything--lots of ice cream, mac and cheese, cookies, peanut butter, pop tarts. Everything. Lots of carbs, too. In short, the kind of diet that got me where I am. She has lost five pounds. Puking will do that. Morning sickness for her is about 23 hours a day. She is on an anti nausea drug that they give to chemo patients.
What this all means is that I do just about everything around the house--laundry, meals (she can't even go into the kitchen without retching), etc. On the plus side, my dog and my wife are eating a similar diet (and boy are the other dogs pissed off!). This has all made me just a little overwrought. I work pretty long days with a long commute, and then I come home and try to keep everything together. I know it's temporary, but I suspect it's training for when the twins (girls) get here. Even so, I'm frazzled. And a little fragile.
What does this mean for the weight? Well, I've learned that if I don't try the mac and cheese, I won't feel the need to eat it. But one bite = one plate. Also pop tarts. I had forgotten how compelling they can be. And what I've figured out is that when I'm exhausted and frazzled and overwrought, it's easy to succumb to the available sugar fix.
Yes, I'm up a tiny bit. And yes, I will be more careful going forward. But this is good information for me. In the not so distant future, there is going to be food around that I don't want to eat, and I'm going to be harried and tired and vulnerable. I want to figure out how to avoid that. It might mean cooking more on the weekends for the week. It will also mean having some low cal dessert options around. It will mean being disciplined and attentive. I hope I can do it. I think I can. I haven't really been bingeing. More, I've been lax. Loose. Not careful.
I also realize how much going to the gym can improve the way I feel physically. When I'm stressed out, my neck tenses and hurts. This leads to headaches that feel oddly like sinus pain. A good workout staves off such feelings. So that's useful. I'm trying to take the lessons here and not freak out. So we'll see how it goes.