Whew.

Hi.  I've been out of the box for a while.  Babies, you know.  And my wife had surgery unrelated to the babies, which makes it impossible for her to pick them up (or do diapers, hmmmm).  So there you are.  I've been kind of busy.

How's the weight loss, Skip?  Well, there hasn't been any.  Happily, I haven't gained, either.  What's annoying, though, is that I have not been to the gym in a long time.  Thus, my body feels fatter and more gelatinous than it did.  I mean, it probably is.  The good news is that my body responds pretty well to exercise.  I'll go back and I'll trim down pretty easily.  What I want to do is go back.  When things settle down at home (and they will), I will.  (I've gone a few times.  It's nice to go, and I'll be back.  I actually miss it.  That's a relatively new thing in my life.)  Given the past year, it's a miracle I'm not back up.  Seriously.  I tend to gain weight in times of stress (eating my feelings!).

Lately, though, I've been feeling the effects of food creep, and I've been all too happy to eat when I'm agitated.  I would like to stop both.  Today, I started tracking again at livestrong.com.  Tracking is good for me.  It's pretty easy for me to forget what I've eaten and go overboard.  Of course, I remember everything about 2:00 a.m.  That's pretty much when I reflect on all my failings.  If I can make it to 4:00, I can sleep through the night.  Call it a renewed commitment.

When I lost 40 pounds in 2010, I was amazed at how much of a difference it made in my life.  Forty is a lot.  It doesn't alway feel like a lot, because I could lose another 100 and still be thick.  But forty took me down almost three sizes in pants.  That's pretty cool.  Another forty or fifty would be even better.  That's the goal.

Slow and steady will work, I think.  I'm going to get back to the gym (three times a week should be effective and doable), and I'm going to stop eating crappy food (delish though it might be--and some of it is).  Nothing fancy.  But I'm ready for the next fifty.  Wish me luck.

Woof.

It's been a while since I posted.  I've been completely overwhelmed on a number of levels lately, and I just don't have it in me to post right now.  I will be back, but I need some time to work on some other things.

Hope you're all well.

Eating a lot

Here's what I find, periodically, when I don't track my food regularly.  I can eat a lot.  Years ago, my doctor, who was also my friend, told me she found it very hard to eat 2000 calories a day.  She was a little tiny woman.  I told her in all seriousness, I could do that at lunch.  Dinner for sure.  She was amazed.

Three years ago, when I started Weight Watchers and lost the first 50 or 55 pounds, I realized I had been eating a lot.  I also realized that when eating good food, I was rarely seriously hungry.  Some hunger, sure, before meals, but not starving.  (I actually like feeling hungry.  It makes me feel as though I'm eating appropriately.) 

When I don't track, I end up eating a lot.  But I don't want to.  I see "diet articles"  and ads for diet plans or products talking about how much you can eat if you only eat xyz.  It's true that you get more volume if you stay away from heavily processed food.  Two hundred calories of chicken takes up more space than two hundred calories of candy. 

But I don't want to eat a lot.  The Weight Watcher meetings I most disliked were the ones in which people talked about recipes and figured out how to eat lots of food at the lowest possible point level.  Some people need that.  I rarely did, if ever.  I just want to eat normal amounts (I know, I know--what's normal?) and be happy with it.  If I listen to my stomach, I know that I don't have to eat tons.  That's because I don't get that hungry.  I feel compelled to eat the most when I'm overtired or agitated.  (For example, last night, when my dog was at the vet overnight, I ate a lot (and I didn't beat myself up over it.)  He seems to be fine. :))  I don't want to feel like that.  I want to eat when I'm hungry until I'm not.  That's it.

Another promise I see a lot is that you can lose weight without hunger.  This might be true, but not from taking a pill or eating a magic something-or-other.  In my experience, as I eat less, I become used to less, and I don't suffer.

What's the point?  When people focus on eating a lot even when trying to lose weight, I think their focus is misplaced.  It's not about the food.  It's about why you're using the food the way you do (like using it to deal with the stress of a sick pet).  I've seen blog posts from people who say they're binging and can't stop.  That amazes me.  If you're in the middle of a binge, stop.  Pay attention to what's bugging you. 

Food is fuel.  Eat what you need.







Without hunger.
Look how much you can eat.

Evolution

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/28/health/28zuger.html

If I read the article linked above correctly, one isn't fat due to sloth and overeating.  Rather, the body knows what it should look like and makes you eat and sit and gain (or not, as the case may be).

I'm not sure how I feel about that.  On one hand, I'm like anyone else.  I want to hear, "It's not your fault!  It's the genes!"  Certainly there is a genetic component.  But not everyone in my family is hugely fat (though most are nicely marbled).  If you look at Refuse to Regain (at the right), you'll see that one of the writers believes that hormones encourage overeating.  You only thought it was emotional agitation.

I guess I'd love it if it were not my fault.  I don't think I'll get there.  I'm an American from the midwest.  We pretty much believe in personal responsibility.  This kind of thinking can, I have no doubt, lead to self-loathing.  Which can lead to overeating (of the non-hormonal variety).

As a practical matter, though, I don't think I care if it's chicken-egg or egg-chicken.  Bottom line:  I don't want to be fat.  I'm doing what I think I should be doing.  It's slow going.  Lately, it's been really frustrating.  But I want to do this correctly, intelligently.  Someone asked me the other day, what's the rush?  Only that after forty years, I'm sick of being fat.  That's the rush.  Time is like land.  They're not making any more of it.

This is an addendum about the writer profiled in the article above:
http://refusetoregain.com/refusetoregain/2011/01/more-on-why-we-get-fat.html

Here's a lecture by the guy:
http://livinlavidalowcarb.com/blog/ims-lecture-with-slides-and-qa-why-we-get-fat-by-gary-taubes/8971

Primal reflexes

So, here's a quotation from the comments to a post on the site at the right, Refuse to Regain.

Barbara Berkeley said in reply to Bonnie...

... When you are losing and maintaining weight, you are fighting primal reflexes that the body has developed over countless centuries. The body does not want you to waste away so it fights weight loss. Similarly, after a period of food restriction it will entice you to eat. Fighting these forces with "willpower" is like fighting nature with willpower. But strategy works. Figuring out how to make an end run around these responses is challenging, but creates success.


There are a couple of things that are interesting here.  First is the concept that losing weight is unnatural.  I've read enough to think that's true.  We are built to survive (and yes, I believe in evolution--don't laugh.  I have a friend who does not). We have evolved to hold onto all nutrition, because bad times come.  Except that now, they mostly don't, not in the US, anyway.  You have to be really freaking poor to starve here.  Ironically, much of the cheap food that's out there is high in sugar, fat, and calories.  Lots of poor people are huge.  


Back to the evolution, though.  The concept that one's body tries hard not to trim down means we're fighting a tough fight.  Really tough.  And the balance is a delicate one.  A couple of hundred calories either way every day can mean gain or loss over the long term.  The key is not to damage your body on the way down.


Here's what I find interesting about Barbara Berkeley's theory.  She's an M.D. in Cleveland who believes that part of the difficulty fighting the evolution is that hormones dictate the urge to eat.  I don't know where I stand on this, but it's interesting.  I always thought I was eating emotionally.  She has said (in comments on the site) that many people think that it's emotion, even though it's a physiological thing.


Food (heh) for thought.  I think it's interesting because for the last few weeks, I've really felt the desire to eat a lot.  On Christmas, I took a day off from tracking.  All things considered, I didn't eat too much--well, not true.  Aside from the monkey bread, I ate pretty normally.  Lots of carbs.  But not insane, except for the monkey bread.


I have been assuming that I'm agitated about the holidays or other life events.  But Barbara's suggestion that my desire to eat a lot is driven by my more moderate eating over the last few months is interesting.  I'm just trying to watch the process and not react to it in a bad way.  I am sure I will feel this way, at least some of the time for the rest of my life.  All I can do, I think, is stay disciplined.

Nutritional Knowledge on a Macro Level

The other night, about 3am, I had an idea for a blog entry.  It was some horrible thing someone had done to me when I was a kid.  When I woke up, it was gone.  I've been trying to remember it for a couple of days.  Must not be that big a deal, right?  Riiiight.  It'll come back.  Those things always do.

But here's something.  I have noticed for a long time how accepted theories of nutrition change from time to time.  Remember how fat made you fat?  Now fats (good fats--in ifish, nuts, avocados, etc., not from red meat) are a known desirable part of any diet.  Remember how margarine was supposed to be better than butter.  Now it's not--trans fats are bad, and margarine is much more heavily processed than butter.

When I was in first or second grade, we were told that pizza is the perfect food.  That's because it was made of all four food groups:  milk, fruits and vegetables, breads and cereals, and meat.  Hell, even the four food groups aren't around anymore.  Now we have a pyramid.  Still, pizza as the perfect food!  That was music to my ears. 

I have been learning these past few months, about what foods are useful to me and what foods can make me their bitch by their very existence.  Pizza is tough.  If I am in control, my powers of resolve can limit my intake.  Not getting meat on it helps, too.  But if I'm tired or sad or agitated, forget it.  I can eat mine and yours.  I can want more.  It doesn't even have to be particularly good pizza. 

I also really believe that not all calories are the same.  In the last several weeks, my consumption of processed foods had risen (if not my calories).  I've slowed that down, am eating more "real" food, and my weight has dropped a bit.  I'm working out a bit more, too, but I think the food matters more than the gym.  In any event, I know that I feel better with real food.  And it is very rare for me to find a kind of candy or dessert that I think is worth the calories.  That doesn't mean I won't eat them.  I have it on good authority that some of my mom's Christmas cookies are on the way.  I'll eat them and like them.  But not all of them.  And I won't love them.  Amazingly, I LOVE the ripe pears from Harry & David.  Those are worth every calorie. 

The point is that all food presents a learning experience (or a reminder).  Lots of calories aren't going to screw me up.  They will, however, slow me down.

What the hell else am I doing?

I have really really wanted to eat today. I decided I'm bored and maybe a little depressed. I don't have much to be depressed about, but that isn't, in my experience, relevant to feeling that way. Wait. That's not right. What I mean is that you can be depressed whether things are going well or not. So that's where I was today, I think. I felt empty of something and wanted to be filled up.

The good news is that I'm within my points for the day, and it's after 9pm. I'll be going to bed soon, so I'm all set.

I don't think I'll be down this week, or at least not down as much as I want. My average so far is 1.4 pounds a week, which is about 73 pounds a year. I'm impatient. I want it to happen today. And yes, I know it didn't come on in a day. Don't care.

I read today that Drew Carey is down 80 pounds, that he lost it because he was tired of being fat. Me too. But he did it by eating no carbs and working out. I just don't know how the loss is sustainable if he plans on going back to eating everything. I'm not talking about the science of it. I'm talking about knowing how to eat everything. That's what people tend to do. When they avoid certain types of foods for a diet, they lose, and then they fold the formerly forbidden foods back in, and gain. I think you have to learn how to eat everything, learn about portion control, moderation, eating when you're hungry. That food is fuel. But I'm impressed with the 80 and I hope he can keep it off.

Gaining make me feel like a failure. I've been thinking about the time, years ago, when my doctor weighed me and I was about 300 pounds. I was up about 40 from my (first) wedding. It had taken me four or five years to get there, but it was disappointed. Still, I didn't do anything to change things. I can't remember why, except that I think I focused on having no time to go to the gym instead of figuring out the food. The food is key.

Anyway, now I'm within 30 pounds of 300. I'm really hopeful that I'll be there in the next 12 to 14 weeks. Even if I don't get there that fast, I'm going to stick with the program. What the hell else am I doing?