Progress

The Anti-Jared has a good post right now.  His point is that you can't cheat your body.  It knows if you have been treating it well or not.  You can eat badly for a few days and not gain, but if you do it all the time, you will.  At a minimum, you will feel less well.  Have a look:  http://theantijared.com/2011/07/the-house-always-wins.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheAnti-jared+%28The+Anti-Jared%29

To that end, I'm down to about where I was pre-hospital weight.  Mostly, I have been watching portion sizes and eating good food.  Real food.  No doughnuts.  If you look at www.refusetoregain.com (at the right side of this page), you will see that the writer emphasizes the importance of the quality of the calories one ingests, not just the number.  Her theory is based on insulin load in response to certain foods.  She does not believe it's a zero sum game.  I 'm not sure I do, either.

When I was in my recent doughnut phase, I don't think I ate an extra 10,500-14,000 calories in a couple of weeks (3-4 pounds).  I really don't.  But I do think that the fried, carbo-goodness of doughnuts wrecked havoc on my body's blood sugar.  (Note:  I am not diabetic, knock wood.)  In less than a month, I was up a solid six pounds.  I started eating better (not really much less, either), drinking more water, too, and I'm back down.  (I guess it's possible that I was just "impacted," if you know what I mean.  It's possible that dehydration was making me retain water.  Either way, it was a decent reminder that eating good food is a reward in itself.

I have been frustrated at the stagnancy of my loss.  But staying the same doesn't suck, given my history.  So I'll keep doing what I'm doing, and I'll get back to the gym.

Speaking of, I haven't been to the gym much in the last seven weeks or so.  One baby came home from the hospital last Wednesday, and I think the other one will come home tomorrow or Tuesday.  It's made for a crazy sleep schedule, and it's hard for me to get to the gym when I can barely see straight.  But I'll get back.  Everything I read says you can't exercise away a bad diet, so I'm going to focus on eating in a healthy way for now and hit the gym when I can.

Positive stuff--No, really

So, this was going to be a letter to my scale, which does not budge.  But it's going to be something else.  Some good news.

I got turned down for life insurance, and it really made me mad.  But such is life.  I haven't been focused on dropping weight for a while now.  I've had a lot going on.  I haven't gone insane or anything, and I have not gained (which is a win in my world).  But I'm working more now.  I'm eating a little cleaner.  I'm moving more (walking to the train, committing to working out more regularly).  I feel pretty good. 

I'm getting looks occasionally from women on the street.  This is kind of cool.  I know what this looks like because--well, I just do.  They aren't really lingering looks.  They are glances.  But they're there.  I like it, even though I am not on the market in any sense. 

Yesterday a friend I haven't seen in a while came over.  "Hello, skinny!" she said.  Who me?  But that was fun.

Today, I had a really nice experience at the clothing store.  I've needed some khakis for a while now.  I'm kind of particular sometimes, and I wanted a particular color (shade, really).  He showed me a stack of folded pants, said of some pairs, "These are too small, and these are too big."  The too big ones?  My size.  I told him.  "Really?  You sure?"

Well not really.  I haven't tried on clothes in a while.  I've been on the cusp of a lower size, too.  And as you probably know, not all clothes marked with the same size are really the same size.  But I tried on a smaller size and they fit.  Amazing.  And I bought a linen suit, too.  I've been wanting a summer suit.

Here's what I think.  I'm shrinking.  I kind of wish I'd been tracking measurements.  I really would like another twenty pounds to go away this summer.  That would put me solidly into the lower size.  (I know size is just a number, but the selection sure gets better as you get smaller.) 

I've gotten some sleep lately.  The Ambien helps.  So that's good.

I am the same weight I was in August.  Now, people close to me--and I may have said it before--have pointed out that I've had a lot going on since, say, Thanksgiving.  Staying the same is, therefore, a win.

It is a win.  I know that.  Given how I've lived in the past, a plateau is a decent thing.  I wish I'd been keeping better track of my measurements, because I get the sense that I'm still shrinking a bit (everywhere but the waist).  I'm still frustrated. 

It's possible that I'm not eating enough for my size, but I find that hard to believe.  I eat plenty.  I really do.

Lately, I've had some slippage into the not so great for you items (a scone or two, that kind of thing).  Calorie-wise, I'm fine, but I really do believe that crappy food is a hindrance to the goal.

My kids are due in August.  I'd love to drop 20 by then.  But there's no race.  I'll keep doing what I'm doing.  (Oh, and after several weeks off, I'm getting to the gym pretty regularly.  That won't hurt.)

So, more plateau, but not gains.  Yay me.

Flat?

I'm still pretty flat, loss-wise.  But I put on a suit this morning (going to court), and I realized that the pants really are too big.  They need to be taken in.  The win?  I've had them taken in once already.

Don't ask me how or why, but even though my weight is the same (maintenance!), I'm shrinking a bit. Honestly, I'm really stumped as to how this works.  My weight is virtually the same as it was a month ago, but I am smaller.  I have not been tracking measurements,  but I may start.

I don't wish I were back to my old habits.  In fact, I find it hard to take a breather.  A few weeks ago, I was trying to eat more, but I couldn't make myself eat crap.  Don't laugh, but I think I had a brief glimpse at how anorexics view food.  (I'm not even close, but it was interesting.)  This is not to say that I don't eat some processed foods.  I do.  But I try to stick with stuff that is real food, not processed, not overly manipulated.  (I mean, seriously, bread is processed, but it's a pretty simple food.  Same with cheese, though my cheese intake is pretty limited.)

I guess the upshot is, I'm learning to live with the slow pace of the loss.  It seems possible that my body is catching up.  I'm ok.  What the hell.

Flat!

I did not weigh in yesterday.  Not officially.  I know how much I weigh.  I weighed myself at home.  But I skipped the meeting in part because I was exhausted and didn't sleep well, and in part because I know I didn't lose (or if I did, it was less than a pound).  It seemed like too much effort to get up and go.

What this means is I am attached to the number.  I went to see a movie today and realized that my pants (the smallest pair I can wear--the pair I couldn't wear a month ago) were slipping off me.  They are also loose on my legs, which makes me feel thin.  I like this.  They aren't too big yet.  But they will be.

So I'm trying to remember that eating the way I'm eating is a good thing, whether I lose or not.  In fact, I'm trying to consider losing a nice side benefit.  (It's not working, but what the hell.)  I'm also trying to keep in mind, that if I'm not gaining or losing, I'm maintaining.  Maintenance is good.  In my world, not putting on weight is a win.  So there's that.

I read some of Ms. Bitchcakes's posts about this.  She writes about being human and forgiving yourself your foibles.  I totally identify with this, and I'm working on cutting myself slack.  But I haven't really been off-the plan.  (She was, and she had a two and a half year plateau.)  I've been doing what I'm supposed to do.  It's discouraging.  But it's not discouraging enough to go back to my old ways.  It's just discouraging enough to rant here.  Here's a change from before--if I eat something that's not the best choice (fries at lunch today), I don't automatically assume I've blown the day and go nuts.  I eat carefully.  Maybe I go a few points over, but it's not a disaster.

Sleep could be an issue.  I generally don't sleep well much of the time.  This is in part due to stress.  Lack of sleep has been associated with weight gain.  So has stress.  I have read that stress releases cortisol, which promotes weight gain.  Apparently Vitamin C counteracts this in some way (either the release or effect of the cortisol).  So I take vitamin C and I try to get enough sleep.  In fact, I think sleep is more important to health than the gym.  I know my mood is better when I sleep enough.

So, that's it.  I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, sleep well, get to the gym, and drop some pounds.  Woo hoo!

Here's when it gets hard

Yesterday's post wasn't all that interesting.  What's really going on with me is that after a pretty decent summer of losing weight and shrinking, I'm pretty pleased with what 30 or 35 pounds will get you.  Smaller clothes, easier movement, etc.  (I haven't focused too much on health aspects.  The truth is, my numbers have always been pretty good--cholesterol runs low in my family, and despite a family history of diabetes, my numbers there have always been good (knocking wood now)).  But about six weeks ago, I slowed way down.

I try not to focus on the scale.  The scale is one measure.  But I have clothes in the closet I want to get back into, and there are clothes out in the world that I want to buy!  There are also things I'd like to try that I can't do now.  I'm too heavy for a Segway (stay away from cliffs!).  I'm too heavy for a zipline tour of Kauai.  I'd like to think about actually running for fun (I can't believe I just wrote that).  Stuff like that.

But the scale isn't moving much these days.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not gaining.  That's pretty much a win in my view, at least historically.  But still.  I'm doing everything right.  I'm eating pretty clean, with the occasion Pop Chips and stuff.  I'm making sure to have snacks, both to keep the metabolism going and to prevent myself from getting too hungry.  I'm even eating a little more than before because of the BMR calculus (and not gaining!).  I could hit the gym more, I know, but I don't think that's the issue.  I think I'm at a plateau.

My doctor told me a couple of months ago that 25 pounds is a pretty significant weight loss.  It probably seems like it to here.  She's thin.  But when you have 100 to lose (and I've lost 80 already), 25 seems less like a milestone and more like a good couple of weeks' work.

It's not a race.  I know.  In fact, even though I'm lamenting the situation, I'm not going to do anything different.  I don't feel like eating a giant pizza or anything.  I get tired of tracking when I'm flat, but I'm a little too paranoid not to do it. 

I think at this point, all there is to do is weight.  It makes sense that if you lose 10% of your body weight (and I'm very close--within a pound) that your body might want to take a moment and see where it is.  But still.  I have things to do and clothes to buy.

Plateau, redux

Ok, the experiment panned out (at least this week).  Because I am a big guy, I get the max WW points--44.  I also get 35 points per week extra.  This is 308+35 or 343 total for the week.  (I'm moving to a weekly food tracking concept rather than daily.)  I had 393.5 points this week.  This is an average of 56 points a day, but as a practical matter, I had a couple of 39 point days and a couple of 70+ point days (70 is a lot, but amazingly, not that hard to do, especially if you're traveling and eating the standard American diet).

Drum roll--down 1.4 for the week, for a total of  33.8 pounds, give or take.  I don't know what I'll do this week, but I definitely think eating more didn't hurt me.  It might have helped.  I think I'll stick to an average of at least 53 points a day, and see how it goes.

The thing to remember is that it's not a race.  This is hard for me.  I want it all gone NOW, because I want to look great and wear cool clothes NOW.  Seriously.

The tools on the Fat2Fit Radio site (at right) are pretty useful in calculating caloric needs, etc.  Those guys are two men who have struggled with weight issues for a long time, have lost a lot of weight, and have kept it off.  They aren't selling a plan.  They have this concept that to be the thin person you want to be, you have to act like a thin person.  They think most people trying to lose weight don't eat enough.  I've been trying to keep my focus on eating now like I plan (and want) to eat forever.  So far so good.  In fact, it was really really hard for me to eat significantly more this week (85 points more!) than last week.  I don't want to mess up.  I don't want to backslide.  I could not bring myself to eat a cinnamon roll (a huge weakness for me), even though I wanted to eat more and had the capacity.  Even when they were free at the hotel.  Seriously.  I might have changed something.  That or my insanity has dovetailed into the life I want to live.

I'll take it.

And I'll take the 1.4.

Plateau

Weight Watchers says you're in a plateau if you lose less than half a pound for six weeks.  I'm not quite that patient.  I've been hovering now for about five weeks.  In fact, I haven't lost all that much all summer.  It's mostly been consistent, but not much.  I'm hoping for and average of 1.5 a week, or at least 1.3.  I don't think that's crazy--I'm a big guy.  But it's been a pound over the last five weeks.  Total.  So, what to do?

I've been reading a lot about weight loss.  I'm particularly interested in how contrary to evolution that it is.  We have adapted to put on weight easily so when times are tough, we don't die.  Losing weight is contrary to that adaptation.  (If you don't believe in evolution, I can't help you.)  In fact, to lose weight consistently, you don't have to cut calories much.  A couple of hundred a day will do it, depending on where you start.

Plateaus happen, I understand, when one's body finally tumbles to the fact that there's less food coming in than there was before.  Then it slows the metabolism to adjust.  The way to deal with this is to keep moving and to--wait for it--eat more. 

More?

More.

You can also alter how much you eat by day, while keeping the same total points/calories for the week.  That's called, I think, the zigzag.

I have been eating 44 WW points (and some of the weekly, depending on the week) since April.  At 58 calories per point (average), that's about 2550 calories.  That's plenty.  But according to a couple of calculators I have used online, my BMR is more like 2700 calories.  This means even in a coma, I would drop some weight.  I think my body finally figured it out.

Here's my experiment this week.  Fourty-four points a day is 308 for the week.  I rarely eat more than half of the additional 35 WW allows.  I'm going to eat those this week, too.  Sunday, I ate 39.5.  But Monday-Wednesday I was over 50 (by a lot Tues and Wed).  I have 134 left for the week, so that should be plenty.  Three days at 44 is 132.  So I'll have the same in the week, but maybe my body will think things have changed because of the last couple of days.

If it doesn't work, it's only slowed me down.  That's all.  So what the hell.  I'll let you know how it goes.