Some progress

I'm down a pound or two this week.  I'm not specific, because it's kind of hard to put a number on it, since my weight fluctuates a little.  But down is down, and that's a win.

Rough weekend, though, so I'm having some Thin Mints.  True story--a Girl Scout came to my door three weeks ago and tried to sell me some cookies.  I said, "No, I can't.  I'm too fat."  As I shut the door, I saw the look on her mom's face--mystification.  My wife was similarly stunned.

A week later I was at the grocery store and some Girl Scouts were set up on a table.  I caved.  I felt bad for the first one, and I thought buying these would atone.  The Thin Mints have been in my trunk for a week.  But I'm having a weak moment, so I'm eating some.  I'm not even worried about it, really.  I've been going to the gym regularly (4 times this week!), and this doesn't feel like the wheels are coming off.

Other than that, not much.  I'm in that stage where watching what I eat all the time--being relentless--feels like a burden.  I'm not starving or anything.  It's just that keeping track of everything takes some discipline.  I can't do it the rest of my life.  But I can do it today, and I can do it tomorrow.  With luck, I can do it for about 60 or 70 pounds more.  Then I'll see where I am.

Maybe it's not just the clothes

If you've read any of my older posts, you know that I've said I'm in it for the clothes.  And I am.  I really, really want to wear cool clothes. 

But there's more now.  We've been working on an estate plan.  It's an exercise in worst-case what if.  The joke is, I have nothing (long story).  But I need some life insurance.  I had some in a previous life, but I got divorced, and there was no need, and you know the rest.

I got turned down for life insurance a year ago.  Why?  Height and weight.  (It pissed me off, because I went through the physical, and then they turned me down for threshold information they'd already had.)

I decided to try again, though, because my girls need me or they need money.  And I found some.  It's pricey, but I'm good.  Here's the bitch of it:  If I weighed 60 pounds less, I'd pay $100/month less.

I'm a good maintainer, but I'm going to lose that 60.  I'll drop a few sizes, too, and that will make me happy, clothing-wise.  And then I'll get the policy re-written.  Maybe this is what I need to be less complacent, to hit the gym early in the morning, even when it's cold.

So I'm in it for the clothes and for the babies.

Patty Melt Diet

I lost four and a half pounds in one night! 

It's true.  But it's not the way to do it.  I ate a bad burger.  It was most unpleasant for 24 hours, and kind of gross for another 24.  I'm feeling much better now, but wow.  Not good.

Mostly I'm mad because I couldn't go to the gym.  (Trust me.  I couldn't go.)

As you may recall, gentle reader, my wife and I had twins eight months ago.  Everything is going well, and it's all been fun and interesting (and exhausting).  My wife and I have made a commitment to ourselves, each other, and the babies, to drop some more weight.  Aside from the obvious life-insurance type issues, we really don't want to be the girls' fat parents. 

Part of this is that we want to blend into the background when the kids' friends think about parents.  We don't want to be the twins' fat mom and fat dad.  Being a kid is bad enough.  People will find lovely ways to mock them, I have no doubt.  But we don't want to give ammunition to jerky kids. 

We also want to be able to do things with the kids--things involving movement.  My wife and I are not naturally athletic types, but we wish we were.  Plus, chasing the kids around is not going to be easy while carrying a bunch of extra weight.  I want to play with them without being too winded or worn out to be a fun dad.

Finally, we want the kids to like to move.  I work with a guy who is in great shape and always has been.  Genes are what they are, but he likes to move.  I saw him one Monday and asked him what he did over the weekend.  He told me that on Sunday, he'd gone for a run in the morning and then surfed all afternoon.  He's just gone running for fun.  Seriously.  I would love to feel like that about exercise.  I'm to the point where I miss exercise when I don't do it.  But I'm not to "fun" yet.  Maybe someday.  And I'll absolutely fake it to get my girls interested.

Here they are:

The girls have some strikes against them:  fat parents and fat genes.  But we're doing what we can to eat right and teach them to, and we're going to get out and have fun.

Checking in

I know it's been a while.  It's been a hard few months.  Since the twins came home, I've been unable to hit the gym (and I'm not going to go into why), and I've been eating stuff I shouldn't (because I don't do heroin), and I've put on some weight.  Not tons.  Maybe nine pounds since last summer.  But it's disappointing.

I've hit the gym now three days in a row though (yay me!), and I've been working hard not to eat my feelings.  I've had middling success, but I think I can do almost anything a day at a time, so that's what I'm doing.

[Ginger, if you read this, would you invite me to your blog?]

Hope everyone is well.

Skip

Well, shit.

So, over the last several months, I haven't been to the gym much.  New babies, etc., you know the deal.

My clothes have been feeling kind of snug lately, but I was able to convince myself that it was lack of muscle tone, not weight gain, that was making everything hang differently.  For a while, the scale backed me up.  I hadn't gained.

But today, the scale betrayed me.  Which is to say, it paid me back for ignoring it and for the mindless eating I have engaged in lately.  I'm a big guy, and I can eat a lot.  My BMR is high.  Apparently, however, I've exceeded it quite a bit lately.

You can slack in certain areas and never be found out.  If you take a longish lunch, no one may notice.  Hell, if you cheat on your taxes, you might be just fine.

But you can't fool the scale.  Or your waistband. 

The biggest difference for me lately is that I have been eating when not hungry.  To the normal folk out there in the world--the ones who don't do that--eating when not hungry makes no sense.  But I don't smoke, drink to excess, or do drugs.  So I eat, because I haven't yet figured out how to manage my anxiety. 

I know this is it.  I'm working on the learning part.  And now, I'm recommitted to listening to my body.  To remembering that food is fuel (and that that's all it is).

Whew.

Hi.  I've been out of the box for a while.  Babies, you know.  And my wife had surgery unrelated to the babies, which makes it impossible for her to pick them up (or do diapers, hmmmm).  So there you are.  I've been kind of busy.

How's the weight loss, Skip?  Well, there hasn't been any.  Happily, I haven't gained, either.  What's annoying, though, is that I have not been to the gym in a long time.  Thus, my body feels fatter and more gelatinous than it did.  I mean, it probably is.  The good news is that my body responds pretty well to exercise.  I'll go back and I'll trim down pretty easily.  What I want to do is go back.  When things settle down at home (and they will), I will.  (I've gone a few times.  It's nice to go, and I'll be back.  I actually miss it.  That's a relatively new thing in my life.)  Given the past year, it's a miracle I'm not back up.  Seriously.  I tend to gain weight in times of stress (eating my feelings!).

Lately, though, I've been feeling the effects of food creep, and I've been all too happy to eat when I'm agitated.  I would like to stop both.  Today, I started tracking again at livestrong.com.  Tracking is good for me.  It's pretty easy for me to forget what I've eaten and go overboard.  Of course, I remember everything about 2:00 a.m.  That's pretty much when I reflect on all my failings.  If I can make it to 4:00, I can sleep through the night.  Call it a renewed commitment.

When I lost 40 pounds in 2010, I was amazed at how much of a difference it made in my life.  Forty is a lot.  It doesn't alway feel like a lot, because I could lose another 100 and still be thick.  But forty took me down almost three sizes in pants.  That's pretty cool.  Another forty or fifty would be even better.  That's the goal.

Slow and steady will work, I think.  I'm going to get back to the gym (three times a week should be effective and doable), and I'm going to stop eating crappy food (delish though it might be--and some of it is).  Nothing fancy.  But I'm ready for the next fifty.  Wish me luck.

Non-scale victory

Despite the title, this actually involves the scale. 

I gained something like 8 1/2 pounds the other day.  I mean in one day.  That's not really possible, even for me.  I fluctuate, but not like that.

Then I realized that the scale was not where it usually was in the bathroom.  So I moved it a couple of feet.  Down about six.  I moved it again.  Up a few.

Apparently, the curvature of the floor in my (very old) house matters to the scale.  I had no idea.  I also am not really sure where the scale is accurate. 

I know I haven't lost much (if any) weight in the last year.  I'm also beginning to doubt the "eat your BMR and lose weight" concept.  But I have also figured out that scale placement matters.  It has to be consistent.

I feel a tiny bit as if I'm starting over.