I did not weigh in yesterday. Not officially. I know how much I weigh. I weighed myself at home. But I skipped the meeting in part because I was exhausted and didn't sleep well, and in part because I know I didn't lose (or if I did, it was less than a pound). It seemed like too much effort to get up and go.
What this means is I am attached to the number. I went to see a movie today and realized that my pants (the smallest pair I can wear--the pair I couldn't wear a month ago) were slipping off me. They are also loose on my legs, which makes me feel thin. I like this. They aren't too big yet. But they will be.
So I'm trying to remember that eating the way I'm eating is a good thing, whether I lose or not. In fact, I'm trying to consider losing a nice side benefit. (It's not working, but what the hell.) I'm also trying to keep in mind, that if I'm not gaining or losing, I'm maintaining. Maintenance is good. In my world, not putting on weight is a win. So there's that.
I read some of Ms. Bitchcakes's posts about this. She writes about being human and forgiving yourself your foibles. I totally identify with this, and I'm working on cutting myself slack. But I haven't really been off-the plan. (She was, and she had a two and a half year plateau.) I've been doing what I'm supposed to do. It's discouraging. But it's not discouraging enough to go back to my old ways. It's just discouraging enough to rant here. Here's a change from before--if I eat something that's not the best choice (fries at lunch today), I don't automatically assume I've blown the day and go nuts. I eat carefully. Maybe I go a few points over, but it's not a disaster.
Sleep could be an issue. I generally don't sleep well much of the time. This is in part due to stress. Lack of sleep has been associated with weight gain. So has stress. I have read that stress releases cortisol, which promotes weight gain. Apparently Vitamin C counteracts this in some way (either the release or effect of the cortisol). So I take vitamin C and I try to get enough sleep. In fact, I think sleep is more important to health than the gym. I know my mood is better when I sleep enough.
So, that's it. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, sleep well, get to the gym, and drop some pounds. Woo hoo!