66,000 Calories

I think I found them.  No, really.  Now, before I get started, I'll say this:  I've been reading/hearing about the whole paleo thing for a while.  I'm not convinced this is all calories-in/calories-out.  It makes sense to me to pay attention to insulin levels (especially in my family).  But right now, I'm going to suss out the calories that have messed me up lately.

Working out--I was pretty good at getting in good workouts two to three times a week before the babies came home.  If you figure 500 calories per session (not a stretch, given my size and what I do), that's 1000 calories a week x 36 weeks.  That's 36,000 calories, or about ten pounds.

Now, here's the second part of the equation.  30,000 calories over 36 weeks is about 833 calories a week.  That's about 119 calories a day more than I need.  Can I say I didn't go over by 119 calories a day for that period?  No way.   I mean, what's 100 calories?  NOTHING.  A margin of error for me.  But if you eat it consistently, it will show.

I have a friend whose mother gained a lot of weigh over 30 years.  She really got big.  But if you did the math, it came down to 200 extra calories a day.  A candy bar a day, almost.

It doesn't take much.  So here I am.  The combination of lack of movement and lack of mindfulness got me back up.

I went to the gym today at 5:45 am.

(Thanks for your support, Ginger.)

Here I am again

I feel kind of bad for anyone who may actually be trying to follow this blog. I'm not here much. It's true that my life has gotten fuller and busier in the last year or so. But still.

In any event, please don't read this blog if you want advice on how to lose weight and keep it off. Apparently I don't know how to do it. I was perking along there for a while, but I've put on 17 pounds in the last nine or ten months. I can't believe that I've ingested 66,000 extra calories, but apparently I have. That or the lack of working out matters more than I thought. In any event, I'm pretty dejected. I'm not going off on a binge or anything, but it definitely makes eating right and exercising (i.e. giving a shit about yourself) seem extraneous and futile.

Yeah, bad day/week. But I walked to the train today. It's a (re-) start.

Weights

Run all you want, but nothing changes the shape of your body like lifting does.  I haven't lifted in a long time.  Mostly, I don't love doing it.  And it always seems as though I can burn more calories doing aerobic exercise.  Sure, sure, there are articles saying that if you add muscle, you will burn more calories at rest than if you don't add muscle.  But there are articles that point out that you'd have to add A LOT of muscle for that to make a big difference in your metabolism.  But there are benefits.

One is to maintain the muscle you have.  It's easy to lose muscle if you are losing weight.   This is partly because your body doesn't need muscle to support fat that goes away.  Part of it is that if you eat too little, your body will consume muscle faster than fat, because it requires a lot of care and feeding, and fat does not.  (Shock, right?)

But lifting sure makes everything hang better.  My clothes are looser, even though I'm not down much.  I mix it up, and I like about a 15 or 20 minute warm up on the elliptical before I lift.  Then another 25 or so minutes of lifting.  I am getting stronger (I'm keeping track).  And it feels as though I've done something, which I like.  But the clothes!

So, follow the experts' advice.  Do some lifting.  You won't get huge (unless you want to, and that takes work).  But you will look better.  I heard this:  Be thin to look good in clothes.  Be strong to look good naked. 

Some progress

I'm down a pound or two this week.  I'm not specific, because it's kind of hard to put a number on it, since my weight fluctuates a little.  But down is down, and that's a win.

Rough weekend, though, so I'm having some Thin Mints.  True story--a Girl Scout came to my door three weeks ago and tried to sell me some cookies.  I said, "No, I can't.  I'm too fat."  As I shut the door, I saw the look on her mom's face--mystification.  My wife was similarly stunned.

A week later I was at the grocery store and some Girl Scouts were set up on a table.  I caved.  I felt bad for the first one, and I thought buying these would atone.  The Thin Mints have been in my trunk for a week.  But I'm having a weak moment, so I'm eating some.  I'm not even worried about it, really.  I've been going to the gym regularly (4 times this week!), and this doesn't feel like the wheels are coming off.

Other than that, not much.  I'm in that stage where watching what I eat all the time--being relentless--feels like a burden.  I'm not starving or anything.  It's just that keeping track of everything takes some discipline.  I can't do it the rest of my life.  But I can do it today, and I can do it tomorrow.  With luck, I can do it for about 60 or 70 pounds more.  Then I'll see where I am.

Maybe it's not just the clothes

If you've read any of my older posts, you know that I've said I'm in it for the clothes.  And I am.  I really, really want to wear cool clothes. 

But there's more now.  We've been working on an estate plan.  It's an exercise in worst-case what if.  The joke is, I have nothing (long story).  But I need some life insurance.  I had some in a previous life, but I got divorced, and there was no need, and you know the rest.

I got turned down for life insurance a year ago.  Why?  Height and weight.  (It pissed me off, because I went through the physical, and then they turned me down for threshold information they'd already had.)

I decided to try again, though, because my girls need me or they need money.  And I found some.  It's pricey, but I'm good.  Here's the bitch of it:  If I weighed 60 pounds less, I'd pay $100/month less.

I'm a good maintainer, but I'm going to lose that 60.  I'll drop a few sizes, too, and that will make me happy, clothing-wise.  And then I'll get the policy re-written.  Maybe this is what I need to be less complacent, to hit the gym early in the morning, even when it's cold.

So I'm in it for the clothes and for the babies.

Patty Melt Diet

I lost four and a half pounds in one night! 

It's true.  But it's not the way to do it.  I ate a bad burger.  It was most unpleasant for 24 hours, and kind of gross for another 24.  I'm feeling much better now, but wow.  Not good.

Mostly I'm mad because I couldn't go to the gym.  (Trust me.  I couldn't go.)

As you may recall, gentle reader, my wife and I had twins eight months ago.  Everything is going well, and it's all been fun and interesting (and exhausting).  My wife and I have made a commitment to ourselves, each other, and the babies, to drop some more weight.  Aside from the obvious life-insurance type issues, we really don't want to be the girls' fat parents. 

Part of this is that we want to blend into the background when the kids' friends think about parents.  We don't want to be the twins' fat mom and fat dad.  Being a kid is bad enough.  People will find lovely ways to mock them, I have no doubt.  But we don't want to give ammunition to jerky kids. 

We also want to be able to do things with the kids--things involving movement.  My wife and I are not naturally athletic types, but we wish we were.  Plus, chasing the kids around is not going to be easy while carrying a bunch of extra weight.  I want to play with them without being too winded or worn out to be a fun dad.

Finally, we want the kids to like to move.  I work with a guy who is in great shape and always has been.  Genes are what they are, but he likes to move.  I saw him one Monday and asked him what he did over the weekend.  He told me that on Sunday, he'd gone for a run in the morning and then surfed all afternoon.  He's just gone running for fun.  Seriously.  I would love to feel like that about exercise.  I'm to the point where I miss exercise when I don't do it.  But I'm not to "fun" yet.  Maybe someday.  And I'll absolutely fake it to get my girls interested.

Here they are:

The girls have some strikes against them:  fat parents and fat genes.  But we're doing what we can to eat right and teach them to, and we're going to get out and have fun.

Checking in

I know it's been a while.  It's been a hard few months.  Since the twins came home, I've been unable to hit the gym (and I'm not going to go into why), and I've been eating stuff I shouldn't (because I don't do heroin), and I've put on some weight.  Not tons.  Maybe nine pounds since last summer.  But it's disappointing.

I've hit the gym now three days in a row though (yay me!), and I've been working hard not to eat my feelings.  I've had middling success, but I think I can do almost anything a day at a time, so that's what I'm doing.

[Ginger, if you read this, would you invite me to your blog?]

Hope everyone is well.

Skip