A 45-year-old fat man trying to find his inner skinny dude.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Paying attention

This will sound like a complaint and it--well, it kind of is.  Mea culpa.  I have hit the wall.  A sick wife and sick dog finally took their toll, and I am sick.  I have a wicked sinus infection, and I am wiped out.  I didn't even go to work for two days.  That's how you know I'm sick.  I have a very strong guilt complex.

Anyway, here's something I've learned.  When I don't feel good, I tend not to take great care of myself.  You can't even imagine the bad stuff I ate yesterday.  It wasn't even very good.  And such small portions!  (Right.)

I figure yesterday was worth something like 3400 calories.  That's about 700 more than I'm supposed to have.  (I'm a big guy.).  I say "I figure" because I tracked nothing yesterday.  I just have not had the energy to do anything, and I couldn't bear the hassle of tracking.  Funny, because it's not particularly hard.

Still, I am, for the moment, the one who has to keep the house running.  (I don't resent it.  I mean, I have my moments, but they are truly only moments).  So I went to the grocery after I saw my doc (Z Pack!).  DiGiorno has a new thing--frozen pizza that comes with breadsticks.  Did I get it?  You betcha.  Did I know my wife wouldn't want it--of course.  She doesn't eat red meat.  The good news is, while I ate the whole pizza (1800 calories!), I didn't eat the breadsticks.  I'm ok eating the occasional giant meal, but for 1800 cals, I wish I'd ordered from my local place.  This one wasn't that good.

It's a new morning.  I am feeling marginally better.  Oatmeal for breakfast, and I am going to make sure I don't eat a bunch of crap out of boredom or self-pity.  I'm going to track this stuff, too.  We'll see how it goes.


  1. You're under so much stress right now. There are times to give yourself a break, and times when it behooves you to stick to the plan. Only you can judge when those times are. Just treat yourself as kindly as possible!

    I've been married for 27 years, and I know the ups and downs. I love my husband more than life itself, but I would still be frazzled in your situation - it's not an either/or situation. It's normal to dislike extra work and extra burdens :) even while you believe the person you're working for is worth it. I'm not sure I'm saying this right!

  2. You said it perfectly. Thank you. The stress is pretty heavy, but I'm kind of perking along most of the time. But the last month--wow. You know what's funny? I've actually dropped some weight. So strange.