Binge

I have been reading some blog postings about the binge.   For example:

http://www.whoatemyblog.com/2011/02/preventing-binging.html
and
http://bodybypizza.com/2011/02/million-dollar-question/

The second one is particular painful, and there's a follow-up, too, which is also painful.

I do not binge.  (Knocking wood right now.)  From what I can tell, I'm the guy who gets lax, and thinks, eh, one more X won't matter.  One more yogurt, one more piece of chicken, whatever.  That becomes "one candy bar won't hurt."  And then, "one cinnamon roll won't hurt."  And then you put them all together and you have a symphony.  Or is if a fugue?

But even when I do not binge, I do feel the compulsion to eat a lot.  To EAT.  I feel that especially when I'm tired or upset.  Lately, these conditions have felt pretty normal to me.  What I try to do when that happens is first to check in and decide if I'm actually hungry.  This is easy and takes no time.  Sometimes it even curbs the urge to eat.  Once in a while, anyway.  But not most of the time.

When I have the urge to EAT, I try to remember that being overfull is not comfortable.  Same result as above.  Sometimes it works, mostly it does not.  Sometimes I load up on filling but low-cal stuff.  I can eat dill pickles with the best of them.  Maybe a big salad.  Sometimes if I get very full, I don't feel like eating anymore.

Luckily, I have never eaten an entire jar of peanut butter.  A bag of cheddar popcorn is a different story.  I can definitely eat an entire pizza (see my earlier entry below).  Hell, eating an entire pizza doesn't even seem all that strange to me.

Years ago, my doctor (whom I really liked), told me she thought it was tough trying to get in 2000 calories  every day.  I was very surprised.  I could (and can) get that in by the end of lunch and not be hugely full.  But I'm getting used to the idea of not being stuffed.  I read that the difference between Americans and Europeans is that Americans eat until they are full, whereas Europeans eat until they are no longer hungry.  This is an important difference.

I see all these ads for diet products that say Lose Weight Without Feeling Hungry.  a) I have been doing that.  b) What's wrong with being hungry?  Being hungry makes me feel as though I'm kind of lean, that I'm not just turning myself into a sausage casing, pushing more and more food down my gullet.  If you eat enough real food (potatoes not potato chips, chicken not chicken nuggets, etc.), you will probably never be overly hungry.  Plus, even if you are, unless you are destitute or not living in the Western world, you have ready access to some kind of food.

So what is with the binge?  It's not about hunger, not physical hunger, anyway.  It's about need.  I think it's about habit.  Eating has in the past been a comfort.  Not eating (meaning getting thinner, being healthier) is a change that puts you out of your comfort zone.  That in itself is a stressor.  Sure, there are great things about losing weight--new clothes, taking up less space, being able to do more, move better, etc.  But people check you out, too (I swear--even me).  This is cool, but it also means you are not invisible anymore. 

I knew a woman who lost 130 pounds and then competed for Miss Alabama.  She told me stories about guys who were assholes to her when she was fat hitting on her when she was thin.  Some didn't even know who she was.  (She turned them down, which I like.) 

The point is, when you change your body, you are changing your life.  People will view you differently when you're thin than when you're fat.  One of those people is you.  That is freaking uncomfortable.  What's the best way to get comfortable?  You have a choice, I guess.  Ride it out (the one I'm hoping for).  Or get fat again.  Bingeing will do that for you.  (So will "just one" or "just one more" of anything, over time.)  The bingeing is, I think, in part an old habit, and in part a psychological pushback.  It's not you being kind to yourself.  It's you trying to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. 

It won't work, not if you hated being fat enough to start getting thin. 

No whining!

I was thinking today that I must sound like a whiner much of the time.  All things considered, though, most things in my life are pretty good.  This morning, I was driving to a hotel to do a deposition, and I felt good--very good.  I was surprised.  It's possible that this was because I went to the gym yesterday.  Maybe it was just a good day.

In any event, I was reading www.whoatemyblog.com, a blog by a guy who has lost over 200 pounds and still weighs over 400 pounds.  Where to begin.  He has posted two photos recently of NSVs--non-scale victories.  One was fitting into a seat at a stadium for the first time (and the attendant ease of going to the game) and one was fitting behind the seat of a Honda Element, a vehicle he'd wanted to buy but couldn't because he was too fat.  I'm really happy for the guy.  I have never been too fat to fit behind the wheel of a car.  I haven't ever been too fat to sit in a stadium seat (not saying they've all been the most comfortable places to park it).  I've always been a long way from 600 pounds.  In fact, this dude outweighs me by a lot, even now.

But damn, good for him.  I hope he sticks with it for a long time.