Stuck

So, I was talking to my stepson earlier, and I told him that I was frustrated that my weight is the same now as it was in October.  He gave me a gift--pointing out that I've had a lot going on (including the holidays) since then.  I told my wife about it, and she said I've said the same thing several times.  I guess I forgot.

I keep trying to remember that in my world, not gaining is a win.  So I guess I'm winning.

Still.

I got a copy of Barbara Berkeley's book, Refuse to Regain:  12 Tough Rules to Maintain the Body You've Earned.  Her website is linked at right.  This book and website are really geared toward maintenance, but I figure it can't hurt to see what the future looks like, especially since I'm basically maintaining right now.  She thinks--and this is probably somewhat controversial--that weight loss and gain are not limited to calories in/calories out. 

Her thesis:
"...Foods that stimulate insulin [cause problems].  Insulin causes fat storage and traps fat in the fat cells so that it cant be released.  Cutting out all carbs except for vegetables and low sugar fruits is essential.  That includes whole grains.  And by the way, the weight you lost will come back if you reintroduce these foods!"

Dr. Berkeley is a weight loss physician with the Cleveland clinic.  She's no slouch.  She advocates what she calls a Primarian diet for weight maintenance.  This is a diet based on human genetics.  We did not evolve to eat most carbs--grains, sure, but also beans, tubers, and other starchy foods.  These cause insulin resistance in fat people or previously fat people, and lead to gaining weight.  That's the simple explanation, but the full discussion is not much more complicated than that.  Just as you'd feed a lion only raw meat, you should feed yourself what you evolved to eat.  This is a pre-agrarian thing.  Agriculture is only 10,000 years old.  We have not had time to evolve to eat post-agriculture cuisine.  Eat only what you could find in the woods.  Lean meat, fish, fowl, nuts, veggies, most fruits. 


Well, that's limiting.  But I've been reading about the glycemic index for years.  I can see the connection.  So I'm going to try to eat in a Primarian way.  But not stupidly.  I still think you have to eat enough (at least your BMR, and probably a bit more).  Here's the thing.  If you don't eat carbs (or not much), it's HARD to eat a lot of calories.  An eight ounce chicken breast is 260 calories.  If I am supposed to be eating 2700 calories, it's going to be a trick to eat a lot of clean food.  I'm going to give it a shot.  That's a lot of veggies and chicken.  But what else am I doing?  (And I think I'm feeling better, so the gym beckons.)

What to do

Ok, I'm in maintenance.  Sort of.  I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do.  I'm eating plenty (like the fat2fit guys say to do), and I've been working out pretty regularly.  But this week, as of today, I'm up.  On October 23 I was at 323. On November 27, I was at 319.2.  Last week, 322.4. Today, 326.8.

As I write this, I realize that it's not a huge swing.  At the margins, when you're this fat, six or seven pounds doesn't mean much, size-wise.  It would be a much bigger deal if I'd gone from 219 to 226.  (A man can dream.)  Even then, not horrible.  But there is no way I have had 14,000 extra calories in a week.

I've changed up my workouts this week, too.  I've been working out more, and I finally got away from the elliptical and the bike.  Now, I can do the elliptical for an hour at a good pace.  I'll get bored before I get tired.  So I got on the miniature staircase that is the new Stairmaster.  Ten minutes the first two times.  Fifteen yesterday.  That thing kicks my ass.  I will keep doing it along with the elliptical.

I think my legs are bigger after a few times of this.  I'm either retaining some water or I've built some muscle.  The former is probably more likely.  Everything I've heard and read says you can't build muscle when you're also losing fat.  I don't care so much about building muscle.  I want to retain what I have, though.

Anyway, this is very frustrating.  When I step back, I realize that my clothes fit, and I am moving well.  I don't want to do this in an unhealthy way.  But damn.  Tony (theantijared, at right) lost 200 pounds in a year.  He looks great (though he works out more than I would).  And Sean (Daily Diary at right) is down almost 300 pounds in two years.  Maybe I shouldn't compare myself, but I'm big enough that the weight should come off.

I've been trying to find articles about a body's adjustment after a 10% loss, which is what I've done (twice!), but I haven't seen anything.  I think it would be helpful if I found something that said after you drop 35 pounds, the body needs six months to regroup.  If that happens, I'll let you know.

Time for coffee.

7 Pounds?

I lost 7 pounds Friday night.  Yes, in one night.  Thank goodness, too, because I was up a whopping 9 pounds from last Saturday morning.  It was apparently all retained water.  At least 7 pounds of it, maybe 8.  I was just a bit freaked out by it.  I really was.  I'm still not happy about the other two, but given my size, two pounds at the margin is probably not much to worry about.

I have noticed a slight increase in my total calories.  Nothing crazy, but nowhere near the 14,000 calories that four pounds (for example) would require.  Not even the 7000 calories that two pounds would require.  Not if the 2700 calories that Livestrong says I should be eating to lose weight is the right number.  So, why the plateau?  And what the hell is up with the water retention?

I recall having read somewhere that if you drastically cut calories to lose weight, you cut your metabolism by 10%, even if you regain the weight.  I don't know if I have that right, but I have done that twice in my life, and I was eating very little.  Up to 1500 calories each time, but no more.  The first time, my doctor gave me that number.  The second time I was really eating 1000 calories until I turned 21 and could drink beer legally.  So it's possible I damaged my metabolism.  I don't know if it comes back.

It's also possible that I didn't damage anything, but that my body just doesn't need 2700 calories.  So I cut back to 2600.  We'll see how that goes.  The danger in eating too little is that you will waste muscle instead of losing fat.  With less muscle, you compromise your metabolism, since muscle is the best furnace you have.

A little less might help.  We'll see.  I've been within three pounds of my current weight since August.  Great, I'm in maintenance.  (It's not a bad thing.)  But I want to drop 100 pounds.  For real.  It's about more than the clothes, suddenly, too.  Twenty to start with would be great.  And then 80 more.  And then, maybe another 20.  We'll see.  But I'm tired of the plateau.  It's hard to keep in mind the fact that I have dropped just about 40 pounds this year.  That's a lot.  I've said it before--it doesn't feel like a lot, because I have so far to go.  But it's plenty.

Today was in the 80s here in SoCal.  Hard to believe.  I took the opportunity to take a long bike ride down the Santa Ana River (which is all concrete).  I went about 13 miles in an hour.  The first 40 minutes were pretty easy.  But I have to say, it wiped me out for the rest of the day.  I liked doing it.  I want to do more.  I want to be able to do physical things.

When I was making the transition from junior high school to high school, I decided not to try out for the marching band.  Make any jokes you wish, but I imagined the band would be fun.  I didn't do it because I honestly didn't think there would be a uniform in my size.  I couldn't deal with that.  So I bagged the instrument.  That history came into my head today.  Don't know why.  I guess I don't want to live my life that way--being unable to do things because I ate too much.  I don't need to be fat now.  I need to have options.

Why am I here?

I'm not writing this for accountability. Lots of the weight loss bloggers say they are, and they put up numbers and talk about what they're eating. That's ok with me, and I often find such things interesting. Tips about good things to eat that won't kill me are fine with me. But I'm not writing this to focus on that stuff.

I'm writing this because I want to read more about the mental part of all this. Not just weight loss, but weight in general. My thesis is that anyone you see who is more than a little thick has issues.

MsBitchCakes talked about it in a posting from October 2008. She said she doesn't have a weight problem; she has a food problem. Which is to say, I think, that if you deal with the food, the weight will take care of itself.

Some people use drugs or alcohol to mute whatever psychic pain they have. Some people eat. Maybe I should be reading more about addiction.

There are a couple of blogs devoted to maintenance that I find useful on this score. In fact, though I'm losing (trying to, anyway), I find the mindset espoused on the maintenance blogs very helpful. I don't consider this a journey, because that word suggests an ending. It is only a journey to the extent that I'm changing diverting from a path my life was on to a new one. I'm under no illusions. If I lose 130 more pounds, I'm not going to live a normal life like my friends who has never had a weigh problem. I am going to write down every damn thing I ever eat.

It's a little overwhelming to think of it in those terms. But I can do it today. I don't think this is much different from the alcoholic who is on the wagon. No drinks ever again would be daunting. No drinks today, not so much.

It's not an episodic kind of thing. People think episodically, and why wouldn't we. Commercials show a problem and resolution in thirty seconds. TV shows in 22 minutes, maybe an hour. Movies in an hour and a half or two. Real life is not prone to clean, neat resolutions.

I'd like to minimize the setbacks. I'd like to live and eat in a healthy way. But, as I've said before, it's about more than health.