Learning

Here's what I have figured out.  I can say no to just about any food.  But there are some foods that I find it nearly impossible not to gorge on.

We saw Harry Potter over the weekend.  My wife and I split a large popcorn (sometimes we have popcorn for lunch at a movie).  I felt as though I inhaled most of the bag (so did she, but she didn't have more than I did).  I understand that such a bag of popcorn is 600 calories.  All things considered, that's not that bad for as much as there is.  But I'm glad that I didn't know about the free refill.  I would have gotten it.  It was great stuff.

Same with chips.  The Terra Exotics.  Forget it.  I can't have them in the house.  I will eat them all.

Spinach and artichoke dip.  Forget it.  I can eat vats of it.  Better to have an actual artichoke.

I'm up two pounds now from Saturday.  Arguably, it's because of the salt intake.  I have not eaten an extra 7000 calories in the last week or so.  But it's still disconcerting.  I feel as though I've been a little lax lately, going over my caloric max a few times, just a little.  But still.

Tonight, dinner was a couple of garden burgers on bagel thins.  So far so good.  I'm trying to keep in mind how nice it is to take care of myself.

Addiction

Go read this post.  Seriously.

http://theantijared.com/2010/10/i-am-a-food-addict.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheAnti-jared+%28The+Anti-Jared%29

Why am I here?

I'm not writing this for accountability. Lots of the weight loss bloggers say they are, and they put up numbers and talk about what they're eating. That's ok with me, and I often find such things interesting. Tips about good things to eat that won't kill me are fine with me. But I'm not writing this to focus on that stuff.

I'm writing this because I want to read more about the mental part of all this. Not just weight loss, but weight in general. My thesis is that anyone you see who is more than a little thick has issues.

MsBitchCakes talked about it in a posting from October 2008. She said she doesn't have a weight problem; she has a food problem. Which is to say, I think, that if you deal with the food, the weight will take care of itself.

Some people use drugs or alcohol to mute whatever psychic pain they have. Some people eat. Maybe I should be reading more about addiction.

There are a couple of blogs devoted to maintenance that I find useful on this score. In fact, though I'm losing (trying to, anyway), I find the mindset espoused on the maintenance blogs very helpful. I don't consider this a journey, because that word suggests an ending. It is only a journey to the extent that I'm changing diverting from a path my life was on to a new one. I'm under no illusions. If I lose 130 more pounds, I'm not going to live a normal life like my friends who has never had a weigh problem. I am going to write down every damn thing I ever eat.

It's a little overwhelming to think of it in those terms. But I can do it today. I don't think this is much different from the alcoholic who is on the wagon. No drinks ever again would be daunting. No drinks today, not so much.

It's not an episodic kind of thing. People think episodically, and why wouldn't we. Commercials show a problem and resolution in thirty seconds. TV shows in 22 minutes, maybe an hour. Movies in an hour and a half or two. Real life is not prone to clean, neat resolutions.

I'd like to minimize the setbacks. I'd like to live and eat in a healthy way. But, as I've said before, it's about more than health.