A 45-year-old fat man trying to find his inner skinny dude.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Fat Man Gone

There are a lot of weight loss blogs. Most of the ones I've found have good stories of people who have lost a lot of weight. Some have good stories of people who have actually kept the weight off for a long time. I'm not sure the net needs another one. I'm not sure I'll keep it up. But I'm here anyway. Today, at least.

I don't plan on listing my weigh-ins, and I don't know how much of this blog will deal with recipes or food. While I'm learning to cook and learning what goes with what, none of that is really interesting to me vis a vis weight loss and maintenance.

It's not about the food. At least not for me. I want to think and learn about what mentally makes and keeps people fat. That includes me.

I have a theory that fat people are not much different than drug addicts or alcoholics. They self-medicate with drugs and booze. We're self-medicating with food. Every time I see someone really huge, I think that person must have real problems dealing with his or her emotions. They eat to compensate. Historically, so have I.

Here's some history. I grew up fat (starting at about five years old). I went to Weight Watchers summer camp in Wisconsin the summer I turned 12. (Yes, they used to have camps.) I lost 33 pounds there, and I stayed with the program for a while and then forgot all about it.

I got bigger, and then in high school I lost 70 pounds by counting calories and writing everything down. That lasted until I had a group of friends who liked to party and eat pizza and burritos late-night.

In my junior year of college, I was about 340 pounds, and I lost about 120. I looked pretty good at 220 or 225. But over the ensuing 17 years or so, I put it all back on and then some. By the time I was 37, I was about 350 pounds. I got divorced and spent the next six months or so eating ice cream with Tony Soprano (on disc). I got to about 400 pounds.

I went to Weight Watchers and dropped about 55 pounds, keeping most of it off (but not staying with the program) until last fall, when I started to creep up. I was not happy, felt out of control, desperate. I went back in April 2010.

As of today, I'm down about 27 pounds. I understand that this is going to have to be like AA for me. I'm going to write down what I eat for the rest of my life. The enormity of that hit me hard a couple of weeks ago, but I realize that I only have to write it down today. Just today, whenever that day is. I can do that.

In the past, I didn't listen to my body well. I found it easy to slip into mindless eating fueled by emotions. I'm trying to listen now. I'm rarely hungry. I'm with the program. I'm learning.

I started at 358. Now I'm at 331. I'm shooting for 230. Well, I'm shooting for less, really. But for now, 230 sounds ok.

Why start yet another weightloss blog? Because I'm curious about other people. How do you do it? What messes you up? Do you agree with the concept of emotional causation?

One last thought. Sure I want to be healthy. But I'm also in it for the clothes.

Thanks for reading. Talk to me. Call me Skip.

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