A 45-year-old fat man trying to find his inner skinny dude.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Dread

I'm going running tomorrow.  I mean it.  I am.

But I dread it.  Part of it is just that it's hard.  Part of it is that I have the association of running with childhood embarrassment and pain.  (I learned that I could not win at running, so it was best not to try too hard.  It's a lesson I've been trying to unlearn ever since.)  Part of it is that I want to do more than I can.  I guess expectation management would help.

After I go, however, I feel pretty good about myself.  I feel glad that I did it.  I feel glad that I care enough about myself to take care of myself.  And I fantasize about being good at something that I dread to do.

So I'm going tomorrow morning, despite the dread.

2 comments:

  1. Good for you! Hope your run went well. I look at this whole diet/exercise thing as just putting one foot in front of the other - and keep moving in the right direction. Running is literally that philosophy encapsulated in an activity. I'm a walker, not a runner, but as I walk I keep that in mind. :-)

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  2. Thanks for this! I actually made it out of the house this morning and walked. I couldn't find it in me to run, but I was moving, and I'm glad I did it.

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