I was thinking today that I must sound like a whiner much of the time. All things considered, though, most things in my life are pretty good. This morning, I was driving to a hotel to do a deposition, and I felt good--very good. I was surprised. It's possible that this was because I went to the gym yesterday. Maybe it was just a good day.
In any event, I was reading www.whoatemyblog.com, a blog by a guy who has lost over 200 pounds and still weighs over 400 pounds. Where to begin. He has posted two photos recently of NSVs--non-scale victories. One was fitting into a seat at a stadium for the first time (and the attendant ease of going to the game) and one was fitting behind the seat of a Honda Element, a vehicle he'd wanted to buy but couldn't because he was too fat. I'm really happy for the guy. I have never been too fat to fit behind the wheel of a car. I haven't ever been too fat to sit in a stadium seat (not saying they've all been the most comfortable places to park it). I've always been a long way from 600 pounds. In fact, this dude outweighs me by a lot, even now.
But damn, good for him. I hope he sticks with it for a long time.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Maintenance
Ok, I'm not really in maintenance. I'm losing very slowly. I'm ok with this (mostly). It hit me that I dropped between 35 and 40 pounds in, say four months, from April to July. This was at least 10% of my body weight. That's a lot. Right? It doesn't feel like enough because I have a ways to go. But it's a lot.
I also haven't been exercising regularly in the last few weeks. Part of this is because of my work and sleep schedule. Part of this is the whole back injury thing (much better, thanks). Sleep is key to everything for me. If I don't sleep well, it's easy for me to feel a drive to eat poorly. It also tends to fuel depression in me. I know that lack of sleep promotes weight gain. If I have to make a choice between sleep and working out, sleep will win, and I don't feel bad about it.
But I like working out. I don't like planning it, but I like it once I'm there, and I like having done it. Everything hangs better. I'm going today. Didn't sleep well, so I'll need a nap, too.
So, I have a confession to Weight Watchers. I haven't tracked points in almost a month. I've been tracking calories on Livestrong. It's got a good food database, and the price is right. I made the transition because I've been reading about BMR and caloric need, and I decided that WW, which allows a max of 44 points (plus an additional 35 a week) might have been giving me too little. (Want to eat a lot more without putting on weight? Gain 100 pounds. No wait--don't.) WW's point values vary, but 50 calories per point is a good average. That makes 44 points about 2200 calories. Every BMR calculator I looked at puts me 400-500 calories higher than that. So I decided to track both for a while and see where I was.
As a practical matter, there wasn't much difference. WW puts more emphasis on fat and fiber than simple calorie counting does. Livestrong is interesting, because it calculates the percentage of fat, protein, and carbs you're eating. I tend to eat pretty low fat, but arguably not enough fat or protein. (I bought some nuts this at the grocery yesterday. This should help.)
I might stop WW altogether. Meetings on Sunday morning at 8am are tough (though I'm awake right now. I could go). But I've been doing pretty well on my own. Even yesterday, when I felt a great desire to eat all manner of crappy food, I mostly didn't, and I stayed on target calorically. So far, I guess, I just want to be healthier than I have been. Who knew?
Today, I will measure--arms, waist, thigh, calf, neck. I wish I'd tracked these from the beginning.
I also haven't been exercising regularly in the last few weeks. Part of this is because of my work and sleep schedule. Part of this is the whole back injury thing (much better, thanks). Sleep is key to everything for me. If I don't sleep well, it's easy for me to feel a drive to eat poorly. It also tends to fuel depression in me. I know that lack of sleep promotes weight gain. If I have to make a choice between sleep and working out, sleep will win, and I don't feel bad about it.
But I like working out. I don't like planning it, but I like it once I'm there, and I like having done it. Everything hangs better. I'm going today. Didn't sleep well, so I'll need a nap, too.
So, I have a confession to Weight Watchers. I haven't tracked points in almost a month. I've been tracking calories on Livestrong. It's got a good food database, and the price is right. I made the transition because I've been reading about BMR and caloric need, and I decided that WW, which allows a max of 44 points (plus an additional 35 a week) might have been giving me too little. (Want to eat a lot more without putting on weight? Gain 100 pounds. No wait--don't.) WW's point values vary, but 50 calories per point is a good average. That makes 44 points about 2200 calories. Every BMR calculator I looked at puts me 400-500 calories higher than that. So I decided to track both for a while and see where I was.
As a practical matter, there wasn't much difference. WW puts more emphasis on fat and fiber than simple calorie counting does. Livestrong is interesting, because it calculates the percentage of fat, protein, and carbs you're eating. I tend to eat pretty low fat, but arguably not enough fat or protein. (I bought some nuts this at the grocery yesterday. This should help.)
I might stop WW altogether. Meetings on Sunday morning at 8am are tough (though I'm awake right now. I could go). But I've been doing pretty well on my own. Even yesterday, when I felt a great desire to eat all manner of crappy food, I mostly didn't, and I stayed on target calorically. So far, I guess, I just want to be healthier than I have been. Who knew?
Today, I will measure--arms, waist, thigh, calf, neck. I wish I'd tracked these from the beginning.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Semantics?
I'm going to write a word. You say the next thing you think of. Ready?
Weight loss.
Did you think, "Journey?" I bet you did. "Weight loss journey" is a cliche. I just googled it and got 456,000 results in .31 seconds. (This is not an ad for Google.) I HATE the word journey. Hate it.
Because journeys end. Are you changing your life or not? If it's a journey, what do you do when you get there? If you're like me, twice before, you say, "Hey, I'm cured," and then you get fat again. I'm not going to do that again. And by refusing to call this Skip's Journey, I'm not buying into the finality of weight loss.
The War on Fat is kind of like the War on Terror (don't get me started)--it will go on every day until, well, until it doesn't. The War on Fat is relentless. It is a series of decisions, made daily, maybe by the hundreds, until you're gone. Or until you've given up.
I think people call it a journey because being a fat person is so defining. And it does define you. People view fat people a certain way. It also creates limitations. I can't go on a zipline tour. I'm pretty sure I'm too fat for a Segway. I have seen blog postings about people who were too fat to wipe themselves (happily, not me). There are travel issues--at a minimum the seat belt extender (which I no longer need, happily). True story--I got bumped from an exit row because the rule was that if you need an extender, you can't sit there. That was both annoying and humiliating. So I think people call it a journey because it's a life change that they can't really imagine until they get there. It's like your first trip to Europe. You can read everything, talk to people, look at pretty pictures, but it's not like being there. And then you go home.
I know what it's like to be thin in America. It's easier to shop for clothes, to commute, to travel, to swim, to bike, to get lucky (and who doesn't want to get lucky?). But until you're a thin person, you have no idea what it's really like. Even so, I know that I want to get there, and I don't want to go "home" afterward.
I was kind of thin a long time ago. I don't remember much. I remember girls checking me out. I remember taking up less space on a couch than I had expected to. I remember, in part, the way I no longer stood out--the anonymity. (It's a good thing.) I remember buying jeans at the Gap (a regular store in the mall!). I also remember I never felt like a thin person. I assume this feeling will be with me for the rest of my life, too.
I'm going to keep tracking my food. I'm going to keep making good choices. I'm going to keep eating only when I'm actually hungry. I'm going to keep working out. I might even lose the next 100 pounds. But it's not a journey. It's my life.
Weight loss.
Did you think, "Journey?" I bet you did. "Weight loss journey" is a cliche. I just googled it and got 456,000 results in .31 seconds. (This is not an ad for Google.) I HATE the word journey. Hate it.
Because journeys end. Are you changing your life or not? If it's a journey, what do you do when you get there? If you're like me, twice before, you say, "Hey, I'm cured," and then you get fat again. I'm not going to do that again. And by refusing to call this Skip's Journey, I'm not buying into the finality of weight loss.
The War on Fat is kind of like the War on Terror (don't get me started)--it will go on every day until, well, until it doesn't. The War on Fat is relentless. It is a series of decisions, made daily, maybe by the hundreds, until you're gone. Or until you've given up.
I think people call it a journey because being a fat person is so defining. And it does define you. People view fat people a certain way. It also creates limitations. I can't go on a zipline tour. I'm pretty sure I'm too fat for a Segway. I have seen blog postings about people who were too fat to wipe themselves (happily, not me). There are travel issues--at a minimum the seat belt extender (which I no longer need, happily). True story--I got bumped from an exit row because the rule was that if you need an extender, you can't sit there. That was both annoying and humiliating. So I think people call it a journey because it's a life change that they can't really imagine until they get there. It's like your first trip to Europe. You can read everything, talk to people, look at pretty pictures, but it's not like being there. And then you go home.
I know what it's like to be thin in America. It's easier to shop for clothes, to commute, to travel, to swim, to bike, to get lucky (and who doesn't want to get lucky?). But until you're a thin person, you have no idea what it's really like. Even so, I know that I want to get there, and I don't want to go "home" afterward.
I was kind of thin a long time ago. I don't remember much. I remember girls checking me out. I remember taking up less space on a couch than I had expected to. I remember, in part, the way I no longer stood out--the anonymity. (It's a good thing.) I remember buying jeans at the Gap (a regular store in the mall!). I also remember I never felt like a thin person. I assume this feeling will be with me for the rest of my life, too.
I'm going to keep tracking my food. I'm going to keep making good choices. I'm going to keep eating only when I'm actually hungry. I'm going to keep working out. I might even lose the next 100 pounds. But it's not a journey. It's my life.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Injuries
I think 2010 will go down as the year of the injuries for me. In March, I had posterior tibial tendonitis, due, in part, to my seriously flat feet. Then a month ago it was the back problem. Multi-level degenerative disc disease. Runs in the family.
I'm sure the weight doesn't help, but such is life. I have a (very) thin buddy who has had disc trouble for a couple of years. Weight isn't the only variable.
It's hard not to get discouraged. In fact, I went to the gym today for the first time in three weeks. I have missed it, but I didn't really realize how much or in what way. Fundamentally, it felt good to move. I did 15 minutes on the elliptical (PT's orders) and then I did a round of core exercises. It was just really nice to be there and do that, even for a short time. I'll do something similar tomorrow.
I also came up with a schedule for where I'd like to be:
I started (again) April 1, 2010 at 358 (I'd been lower and had put on some pounds). I'm right at 320 now.
Here's where and when I'd like to be.
I'm sure the weight doesn't help, but such is life. I have a (very) thin buddy who has had disc trouble for a couple of years. Weight isn't the only variable.
It's hard not to get discouraged. In fact, I went to the gym today for the first time in three weeks. I have missed it, but I didn't really realize how much or in what way. Fundamentally, it felt good to move. I did 15 minutes on the elliptical (PT's orders) and then I did a round of core exercises. It was just really nice to be there and do that, even for a short time. I'll do something similar tomorrow.
I also came up with a schedule for where I'd like to be:
I started (again) April 1, 2010 at 358 (I'd been lower and had put on some pounds). I'm right at 320 now.
Here's where and when I'd like to be.
By April 1, 2011—300.
By October 1, 2011—270
By April 1, 2012—250
By October 1, 2012—220.
By April 1, 2012—200.
That feels very ambitious. It also feels slow. I want to wear cool clothes now. NOW. I have some already that I'm close to getting into. In a year and a half, I think I'll be able to wear anything I want. And yes, I'm willing to have surgery to remove excess skin.
I think one of the reasons people get impatient is because you're sick of being fat now, but it takes time to lose. It's discouraging. It is. But I feel better eating the way I'm eating than the way I used to (which wasn't terrible, but was too much). The other day, I wanted a snack about 4pm and went down to the lobby of my building. I was going to get a scone from Starbuck's, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I got a turkey sandwich from a store next door. Saved some calories and a lot of fat. I could have done the scone. I had the "budget" for it. But there are better choices. I made one. It might be a habit. An actual good habit--taking care of myself. Shocking.
It will take a while. At least a year and a half. But what else am I gonna do? Order pizza?
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Love is the answer
I've weighed the same now since, I think August. When I say the same, I mean within two or three pounds either side of the same weight. I guess I'm in maintenance. I don't know why, but what the hell. As long as I'm not gaining, and I'm not, I can live with it. It's frustrating, though, having some clothes that I'm almost into. But they're not going anywhere, and neither am I.
What's strange, though, is that I'm finally accustomed how I look at this weight, approximately 35 pounds down from last April. For a very long time, I would catch my reflection in a mirror or window and be surprised. That's me! Looking good! After this long, though, I'm used to it. Now I just know that's me. And the old habit of self-critique is trying to come back. That's you. Fat. Gross. You suck.
I am working hard to keep that voice at bay. But I'm also trying to observe it. It seems to me that that voice is always going to be there trying to be heard. If I woke up tomorrow 100 pounds lighter--where I'd like to be--I think the voice would still be there to find fault.
I think this is going to be the key to long-term maintenance: keep that voice at bay. And this is because--I've said it before--weight is not about the food. It's about feeling like shit and using food to make it better. Some people drink, some use drugs, some shop. So the key at any weight is to keep that evil voice down.
Where does the voice come from? No idea. I suppose it could be early messages one gets from parents, siblings, kids at school--whatever. The thing to remember is that it's bullshit. I'm amazing. Seriously. If I weren't me, if I were my friend, I would think I'm amazing. I don't usually think I'm amazing in real life. I don't usually think I'm all that special. But I have a lot of really cool, smart, good friends, and I figure I must be worth something, or they wouldn't like me. Some days, that's all I have. Anyway, my point is, if I'm amazing, I'm worth loving and taking care of. I want to try to take care of myself the way I would (and do) take care of a friend who needs help.
Eating a lot is not taking care of myself.
I say all this having come off a big eating day. I did not track. And I think that in the end, it was not insane. If I ate more than 3500 calories, that would surprise me. (I'm supposed to be around 2700 to lose.) But it felt like a big day. One day will not break me. But I'm not going to do that a lot. In fact, I haven't done that more than a couple of times since April. I'm ok.
The back is feeling better, but I really want to get the ok to go back to the gym. I'm surprised at how much I miss it.
Long post, but the point is, if you want to break an addiction cycle, the first step is to appreciate and love and take care of yourself. Love is not in a bowl of ice cream, a cookie, or a giant steak. Love is in you. If you can't see it, try to see yourself through your friends' eyes.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~ the Buddha
Read more about this concept here.
http://theantijared.com/2010/10/do-i-disgust-you-2.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheAnti-jared+%28The+Anti-Jared%29
Addendum: Read more here, too: http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com/2010/10/emotional-effects-of-reaching-goal.html.
N.B. I added up everything from yesterday. I tried to overestimate. I still came in under 2700. I think my perspective on what a lot of food is has changed.
What's strange, though, is that I'm finally accustomed how I look at this weight, approximately 35 pounds down from last April. For a very long time, I would catch my reflection in a mirror or window and be surprised. That's me! Looking good! After this long, though, I'm used to it. Now I just know that's me. And the old habit of self-critique is trying to come back. That's you. Fat. Gross. You suck.
I am working hard to keep that voice at bay. But I'm also trying to observe it. It seems to me that that voice is always going to be there trying to be heard. If I woke up tomorrow 100 pounds lighter--where I'd like to be--I think the voice would still be there to find fault.
I think this is going to be the key to long-term maintenance: keep that voice at bay. And this is because--I've said it before--weight is not about the food. It's about feeling like shit and using food to make it better. Some people drink, some use drugs, some shop. So the key at any weight is to keep that evil voice down.
Where does the voice come from? No idea. I suppose it could be early messages one gets from parents, siblings, kids at school--whatever. The thing to remember is that it's bullshit. I'm amazing. Seriously. If I weren't me, if I were my friend, I would think I'm amazing. I don't usually think I'm amazing in real life. I don't usually think I'm all that special. But I have a lot of really cool, smart, good friends, and I figure I must be worth something, or they wouldn't like me. Some days, that's all I have. Anyway, my point is, if I'm amazing, I'm worth loving and taking care of. I want to try to take care of myself the way I would (and do) take care of a friend who needs help.
Eating a lot is not taking care of myself.
I say all this having come off a big eating day. I did not track. And I think that in the end, it was not insane. If I ate more than 3500 calories, that would surprise me. (I'm supposed to be around 2700 to lose.) But it felt like a big day. One day will not break me. But I'm not going to do that a lot. In fact, I haven't done that more than a couple of times since April. I'm ok.
The back is feeling better, but I really want to get the ok to go back to the gym. I'm surprised at how much I miss it.
Long post, but the point is, if you want to break an addiction cycle, the first step is to appreciate and love and take care of yourself. Love is not in a bowl of ice cream, a cookie, or a giant steak. Love is in you. If you can't see it, try to see yourself through your friends' eyes.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~ the Buddha
Read more about this concept here.
http://theantijared.com/2010/10/do-i-disgust-you-2.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheAnti-jared+%28The+Anti-Jared%29
Addendum: Read more here, too: http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com/2010/10/emotional-effects-of-reaching-goal.html.
N.B. I added up everything from yesterday. I tried to overestimate. I still came in under 2700. I think my perspective on what a lot of food is has changed.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Two things
First, more on my back. I have a Pars defect, which is essentially a broken vertebra. Cut a doughnut in half and you know what I mean. This break allows the spine to slide out of place, pinch nerves and cause pain. It's either a stress fracture or congenital. I didn't play football in high school, so I imagine I was born with it. Physical therapy is in my future.
Next, I wanted to talk about the article in Marie Clare magazine by Maura Kelly, Should 'Fatties' Get a Room (Even on TV)? I've seen a number of articles about it, and I understand that Maura Kelly is a former anorexic. Basically, she doesn't want to see fat people do much of anything, from walking across a room to making out and getting it on.
The article was insensitive at best (hell, just the title was insensitive). Most fat people feel invisible anyway. I don't think most people (fat or thin) think of fat people as sexual (though I have a theory that heavier people are more sexual than thin ones. Maybe I'll write about this sometime). I find Kelly's thought process interesting.
She says that being fat is shameful. Commenters all over the web are saying she's mean. But I think most people agree with her. I think most fat people agree with her. The sense of shame at being fat is enormous (pardon the pun?). Once in a WW meeting, a leader said that you can be a drug addict or an alcoholic and it's not obvious to others just by looking at you (for a while, anyway). But everyone knows if you're fat. Lots of fat people feel ashamed and loathe themselves. Lots of people fear being fat.
That's what I think is going on with Maura Kelly. She's deathly afraid of being fat. And we hate in others what we hate in ourselves.
I understand that fear. I've put on a couple of pounds lately. It might be last week's cake. It might be that I've figured out the high range of what I can safely eat. It might be the meds I'm on for the back (they make me thirsty, and I think I'm retaining water). It might be a lack of exercise (which I am not allowed to engage in right now). But it scares the shit out of me. I'm about 80 pounds down from my all-time high. I have a long way to go, too. I don't want to go back to how I was.
So I'm going to keep eating right and eat a little less. I'm just going to ride it out. I was hoping to be down twenty pounds from now by Christmas. That's very unlikely now. But I've had some success, too, so I'm going to focus on that and on taking care of myself. I'm also going to try to feel some sympathy for Maura Kelly, because she fears what I fear.
Next, I wanted to talk about the article in Marie Clare magazine by Maura Kelly, Should 'Fatties' Get a Room (Even on TV)? I've seen a number of articles about it, and I understand that Maura Kelly is a former anorexic. Basically, she doesn't want to see fat people do much of anything, from walking across a room to making out and getting it on.
The article was insensitive at best (hell, just the title was insensitive). Most fat people feel invisible anyway. I don't think most people (fat or thin) think of fat people as sexual (though I have a theory that heavier people are more sexual than thin ones. Maybe I'll write about this sometime). I find Kelly's thought process interesting.
She says that being fat is shameful. Commenters all over the web are saying she's mean. But I think most people agree with her. I think most fat people agree with her. The sense of shame at being fat is enormous (pardon the pun?). Once in a WW meeting, a leader said that you can be a drug addict or an alcoholic and it's not obvious to others just by looking at you (for a while, anyway). But everyone knows if you're fat. Lots of fat people feel ashamed and loathe themselves. Lots of people fear being fat.
That's what I think is going on with Maura Kelly. She's deathly afraid of being fat. And we hate in others what we hate in ourselves.
I understand that fear. I've put on a couple of pounds lately. It might be last week's cake. It might be that I've figured out the high range of what I can safely eat. It might be the meds I'm on for the back (they make me thirsty, and I think I'm retaining water). It might be a lack of exercise (which I am not allowed to engage in right now). But it scares the shit out of me. I'm about 80 pounds down from my all-time high. I have a long way to go, too. I don't want to go back to how I was.
So I'm going to keep eating right and eat a little less. I'm just going to ride it out. I was hoping to be down twenty pounds from now by Christmas. That's very unlikely now. But I've had some success, too, so I'm going to focus on that and on taking care of myself. I'm also going to try to feel some sympathy for Maura Kelly, because she fears what I fear.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Health and weight
I should have knocked wood after writing the post about my (lack of) health problems. It turns out that I have a herniated disc somewhere in the lumbar region. Family history (dad, sister) of those, plus my symptoms and my weight all suggest a disc. The doctor mentioned my weight a couple of times in talking about it. He was not unkind. In fact, he's nicely marbled himself.
But weight has plenty to do with back problems. The weight is an additional burden on a skeleton not designed to carry heavy loads. I had muscle spasms several times when I was 80 pounds heavier than I am now. They went away as I dropped. This time, the problem felt totally different. Not muscular.
The disc problem appeared Wednesday night. I didn't sleep much that night or Thursday, because I couldn't get comfortable. Thanks to some heavy duty pain and muscle relaxing meds, I've been able to sleep. But the problem hasn't gone away, and I'll probably have to do some physical therapy. The doctor also said not to go to the gym. I actually like the gym. I wonder if the PT will believe that I can (and do) stay on the elliptical for up to an hour.
But I'm trying to look on the bright side. Part of fixing this without surgery is strengthening the core. I could use some help learning how to do that. The real hard part will be losing weight without being able to move much. I don't want to make the injury worse. That would be counterproductive over the long haul.
I'm considering moving to straight calorie counting from WW points. I think I have a handle on eating healthy, for the most part. I want a more accurate measure of what I'm eating. Calories are pretty much a zero-sum game. Since I've been on a plateau for a long time (except this week--see below) , I want to change things up. I learned today that if I'm tired and in pain, a buffet is a bad place for me to go. Heh. I'm over by about 350 calories for the day. It's not going to break me, but I'm not thrilled. I ate kind of mindlessly at lunch. It didn't seem to be that big a lunch, but I hit a lot of high-fat foods. Carnitas. Carrot cake. That kind of thing.
Finally, I didn't weigh in today. This was in part because of my back. It was also (if I'm being honest) that I put on some weight. I expected to this week. It was the week of my anniversary, and we went out to eat and had plenty of cake. But I didn't want to face it, either. Call me a wuss.
That's it. We'll see how the week goes.
But weight has plenty to do with back problems. The weight is an additional burden on a skeleton not designed to carry heavy loads. I had muscle spasms several times when I was 80 pounds heavier than I am now. They went away as I dropped. This time, the problem felt totally different. Not muscular.
The disc problem appeared Wednesday night. I didn't sleep much that night or Thursday, because I couldn't get comfortable. Thanks to some heavy duty pain and muscle relaxing meds, I've been able to sleep. But the problem hasn't gone away, and I'll probably have to do some physical therapy. The doctor also said not to go to the gym. I actually like the gym. I wonder if the PT will believe that I can (and do) stay on the elliptical for up to an hour.
But I'm trying to look on the bright side. Part of fixing this without surgery is strengthening the core. I could use some help learning how to do that. The real hard part will be losing weight without being able to move much. I don't want to make the injury worse. That would be counterproductive over the long haul.
I'm considering moving to straight calorie counting from WW points. I think I have a handle on eating healthy, for the most part. I want a more accurate measure of what I'm eating. Calories are pretty much a zero-sum game. Since I've been on a plateau for a long time (except this week--see below) , I want to change things up. I learned today that if I'm tired and in pain, a buffet is a bad place for me to go. Heh. I'm over by about 350 calories for the day. It's not going to break me, but I'm not thrilled. I ate kind of mindlessly at lunch. It didn't seem to be that big a lunch, but I hit a lot of high-fat foods. Carnitas. Carrot cake. That kind of thing.
Finally, I didn't weigh in today. This was in part because of my back. It was also (if I'm being honest) that I put on some weight. I expected to this week. It was the week of my anniversary, and we went out to eat and had plenty of cake. But I didn't want to face it, either. Call me a wuss.
That's it. We'll see how the week goes.
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